I'm late to the party, but that just means I get to wade through fewer rough drafts, yes? It sounds like quite a few changes have already been made, but I still see kinks to work out before I'm willing to give you my passing grade.
My questions and suggestions are highlighted in red. Summary to follow.
Alexi Holland If Alexi is short for Alexander, the correct name form would read: Alexander "Alexi" Holland, or would list Alexi as a nickname.AKA:
Shade Does he get this before or after inoculation?Gender:
19Place of Birth:
Garden Grove, CaliforniaInoculated:
Alexi is a punk. In terms of teenage self-labeling? Or in terms of serious life choices? Or is this a label given to him by the grownups?
He has little respect for authority. Define authority. Do you mean government/teachers/sanctioned authority? Or is it an attitude toward anyone seeking to exert control over his life? And "little respect" is very vague. Tell me how he disrespects authority. Actions? Words? Or only an attitude?
He despises anyone that makes fun of his name (Alexi is short for Alexander and Alexis). Despise is a strong word. Why such a big word for such a little transgression? That shows a lot of pent up or misguided anger toward something that every kid puts up with at some point in their lives. To still be so angry about it makes for a rather immature character.
He is very confrontational and likes to fight. His temper got him in trouble a lot. Expand. You could talk about manifestations of his attitudes toward authority or simply tell us more about how or why he's so aggressive. Is it home life? rough neighborhood? lots of testosterone?
He considers himself a combat pragmatist
and is not above using what some people would call “underhanded tricks”. When he is serious he can be ruthless, this includes using his powers to temporally stun his opponents.Before inoculation, how "ruthless" was he? Had he ever sent someone to the hospital from an altercation?
In his cat form he prefers to use ahock and awe
He was raised in Garden Grove, California. He’s His. He's is the contraction of He is.
name is a shortened version of Alexander. His name led to a lot of fights during his school years due to the fact and its 1 letter away from being "Alexis" (I know lame but kids are pricks). I don't buy it at all. I can buy getting teased for having an unusual name, but after one or two fights it would stop. Unless you are implying he lost all those fights - which wouldn't seem in keeping with your current outline. If Alexi was bullied in school, it might account for some of his anger issues, but you need to be way more specific. Being bullied implies he was an easy target.
He has an extremely high IQ. Was raised in a strict catholic household but broke away from the faith in Jr. High due to no one in the church being able to answer his consent questioning. I believe you mean "constant," as "consent questioning" takes us down a very different road.
He graduated high school at 16 (grade skipping), even though he has problems with authority, the school let him graduate to make them look good. Absolutely not. This doesn't pass the sniff test. You can have an authority snubbing punk who is secretly smart and may have been held back for his trouble making OR you can have a bullied genius with anger issues who nonetheless sped through school by being a Very Good Boy. You do not get to have both stereotypes without doing a MUCH better job convincing me. And I'm a teacher with experience in administration, so you'd be working VERY hard.
During this time he joined a punk band called Twin Blade. During what time? Also, what does he play? Is the band any good? Is HE any good? Being IN a band doesn't by itself mean much at all.
He has a BA in Journalism and Mass Communication from Ashford University in California. Why? How? At 19 he may be working on a BA, or he might have an AA or on AS. Even with your original grade skipping plot, I don't see how he has already completed a BA with two majors - even if they are related fields.
He allowed himself to be injected to fund his band. Again - we need more information. What about funding his tuition? What does he do fpr a living? If he needs to sell his body to fund his band, they obviously aren't good enough to be supporting him. (Which is fine, btw! I'm cool with him fnding his hobby this way - I just need more info.)
He was told it was for a drug trial being performed by an independent testing group for a major pharmaceutical company and that he would be paid for his time, he was going to use the money to fund his bands EP. His what now?
He was taken to an abandon building, knocked unconscious, and taken to Circe HQ. Physical InformationVisual Appearance(completely optional):http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ku8ow9Op0U1qatqpuo1_500.jpg
Physical Appearance: red hair, skinny, stands about 6 feet. He is bisonen (he’s a pretty boy). Wears his hair in a pony tail. His cat form is a full grown male Siberian tiger. Eyes? Build? (lanky or lean or malnourished or?) Fashion choices? Scars or tattoos or piercings? Where? When? General demeanor? Etc.
Inoculated characters, please describe both forms in detail.
Clothing and Armor: silk shirt, hemp pants, hemp necklace. Is this before inoculation? Or after? Why choose organic material prior to inoculation? Doesn't seem consistent.
Weapons Blades (Bowie knifes) and 2 Beretta 92's (he will steal these later) Really? From where? Don't assume the guards carry these. Matthews wouldn't let them after what happened in the cage room. You would need to escape back to civilization before you could get your hands on those. Maybe one knife, but you'd have to be lucky. And it won't shift with you.
[i]Inoculated onlyAlternate Form
full grown male Siberian tigerAbilities
(in human form). (in cat form) bio electric control (can use his own bioelectric impulses in offensive H2H (hand2hand combat) combat), he has burns on his figure tips because of it) and minor electricity manipulation (he can shoot lightening from claws and mouth). Bioelectrogenesis is the scientific name for his power. It’s similar to what electric eels use.Other InformationFaction:
solo (currently)Bonus Section:
I went to the building the drug company reps told me to meet then at. I should have know something was wrong when it turned out to be an abandoned factory, but I entered anyway, the band needed the money and we were all working our asses off for the studio money. I was jumped by 2 big, ugly motherf*ckers and went down like a a lead balloon. When I woke up I was in an all white room with tubes coming out of me. I panicked and started to rip them off and then the damn EKG machine started beeping. That was when I discovered my power as the machine short circuited when i hit it. I was taken to a cage area after that and the rest is history.
Over all, I'd like to see more attention to detail, both in your writing and in your character creation. What others identify as Marty Stu-ishness, I'm reading as too many gaps without enough definitive choices being made. Accept that you can't have it all for your character. Once you've done that, I think Alexi will be a fun addition to our little team.